Mama Diaries

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Why You Should Listen to the Mama

Has your mom ever told you not to play ball in the house? If she has, I hope you've listened to her. She knows what she's talking about.

Here's what happened at my house, because somebody didn't listen to the Mama:

Our house is currently under renovation. You really wouldn't want to be here. The kitchen is gutted, and all but one of the bathrooms has been demolished. As a result, we have some wide-open spaces. Especially in the kitchen. My husband decided it would be fun to throw the tennis ball around and have our German Shepherd, Schultz, fetch it.

"Don't do that," I warned. "The tennis ball is going to end up down an open vent."

Did he listen?


On the first throw it happened. The tennis ball bounced off the wall where the oven had been. Then it bounced off the wall where the sink had been. Then it rolled along the floor . . . right into the open vent. Down it went. Never to be seen again.

I shook my head. I didn't even have to say, "I told you so." He knew.

Moral of the story:  Always listen to Mama! 

(He pried apart the vent and attempted to retrieve it, but couldn't. So now we have a tennis ball stuck somewhere in our vent system. Hopefully it won't end up in the furnace!) 

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Mister Salesman

Even though it has been over a week since Halloween, my son still has a lot of candy left. Ever the creative thinker, he has found a solution for what to do with all this candy.

"I'm going to sell it," he announced.

"You're going to sell it?" I asked. "To whom?"

"To my friends."

I couldn't understand why anyone would need more Halloween candy. "Don't you think people have had enough?"

He shook his head. "No. They already ate all of theirs. I'm sure they want more. They'll buy mine."

Okay, then. So, the boy is going to take some to school. Let's see how well he's able to market his snack-size Snickers bars.       

Monday, October 23, 2017

Scaredy Cat

Our cat, Bootsy, is a brave feline. We didn't think he'd be afraid of anything. Turns out, we were wrong.

My son, Bubba, decided he was going to parade around the house in his Halloween costume. Usually, Bootsy doesn't care. Nothing phases him. Not Darth Maul. Not the Grim Reaper. Not Freddy Kruger. But for some reason, Bootsy didn't like this costume. What did my boy wear? A plain white mask, a black fedora, and a button-down collared blue shirt. It freaked the poor cat out. He took one look at my boy, meowed the strangest sound I've ever heard, and ran for cover.

Who knows what went on in the poor cat's mind, but if Bubba had that affect on him, I'm worried about what's going to happen to the poor souls who have to lay eyes on him when he Trick-or-treats on Halloween! 


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The Dog and the Frog

There is a very large frog that likes to sit on our front step each evening and make a lot of noise. He hasn't gone unnoticed by a certain quadruped named Schultz. Schultz is our hundred-pound German Shepherd.

The other night, Mr. Schultz finally had the opportunity to introduce himself to the amphibian. He charged out the garage door, bounded across the front lawn, and stopped right in front of Mr. Frog. What did Mr. Frog do? Nothing. Not even a hop.

Mr. Schultz gave the frog the biggest sniff ever. His big, wet nose was basically on top of that frog, sniffing every square inch. This lasted at least ten seconds. Finally, Schultz got bored and trotted off to sniff something else.

Once Schultz was safely out of distance, the frog blinked his little eyeballs and resumed croaking.

(I'm guessing the frog is one of Croaky's pals. (Croaky is our pet African clawed frog.) He probably told him about Schultz, so his buddy knew he had nothing to worry about!)

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Ancient Grains

The other day, when I walked past the shoe closet, I noticed an unpleasant odor. It didn't quite smell like stinky socks - something you might expect from such a closet. Curious, I opened the door. After some poking around, my nose led me to a lunch box. My son's lunch box. It was shoved in the back corner. Who only knew how long it had been sitting there.

I picked that thing up between my thumb and index finger, afraid of what lethal contaminant might be lurking inside, and placed it on the kitchen counter. I unzipped it. What  I found inside was a bunch of Ziploc bags. Most were empty. All except one. In that one was a sandwich, which at the very least, could be described as a science experiment gone wrong. The once nutritious whole-grain bread was covered in blue and yellow growth. The blue, I'm guessing, was mold. The yellow? Your guess is as good as mine. All I knew was that it produced an exceptionally foul odor which needed to be eliminated immediately if not sooner.

All I can say about that, was that my son gave new meaning to the words, "ancient grains."

(I was going to take a picture, but I figured it might make the majority of you want to vomit. I hope ya'll appreciate my consideration!)

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

How to Solve a Rubiks Cube

There are many ways to solve a Rubiks Cube.  For those of you who might not be familiar with what one is, it's a cube puzzle with lots of colored squares. The goal is to have each side the same color. To achieve this, most people rotate the rows of the cube.  Other people, like myself, peel off the stickers and reattach them in the proper place.

My son? Well, he's not like most people. He's not even like me.

The other day, I found his Rubiks Cube completely disassembled on the floor in his room. Tiny cube-ish squares of color were spread out, making it very difficult to walk.

"Dude," I said. "What's going on here?"

He grinned. "I discovered that you can take the cube apart. Now I'm going to reassemble it to solve the puzzle."

He's still working on it. I suspect it will take him about twenty years to complete. Taking the stickers off would have been so much easier!

If you want to properly solve the cube, learn how by going here.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

New Release: Black and White by Nick Wilford

My blog friend, Nick Wilford, has released a new YA dystopian book called Black & White.  Here's the scoop on it:  

Title: Black & White
Author: Nick Wilford
Genre: YA dystopian Series #: 1 of 3
Release date: 18th September 2017
Publisher: Superstar Peanut Publishing
What is the price paid for the creation of a perfect society?

In Whitopolis, a gleamingly white city of the future where illness has been eradicated, shock waves run through the populace when a bedraggled, dirt-stricken boy materialises in the main street. Led by government propaganda, most citizens shun him as a demon, except for Wellesbury Noon – a high school student the same age as the boy.

Upon befriending the boy, Wellesbury feels a connection that he can’t explain – as well as discovering that his new friend comes from a land that is stricken by disease and only has two weeks to live. Why do he and a girl named Ezmerelda Dontible appear to be the only ones who want to help?

As they dig deeper, everything they know is turned on its head – and a race to save one boy becomes a struggle to redeem humanity.

My Review:

Whitopolis is the perfect city. No diseases. No death. No dirt. Everyone is happy. Wellesbury, the protagonist, is a kid who lives there. Life goes along smoothly until a really messed up kid named Mallinger shows up. He's dirty, diseased, and dying. He comes from a city called Fusterberry. Of course the government of Whitopolis can't have such an imperfection living among them, so they lock him away. Only Wellesbury and his friend, Esmerelda want to help. In the process, they challenge the government and learn to think for themselves. They also learn that sometimes things aren't as perfect as they seem.

White and Black is an interesting dystopian tale. The characters are memorable, and there are enough plot turns to keep the reader guessing about what is going to happen next. It's a very good opening to the three-part trilogy. Recommended for young adult readers interested in dystopian novels.

Purchase Links:
Meet the author:
Nick Wilford is a writer and stay-at-home dad. Once a journalist, he now makes use of those early morning times when the house is quiet to explore the realms of fiction, with a little freelance editing and formatting thrown in. When not working he can usually be found spending time with his family or cleaning something. He has four short stories published in Writer’s Muse magazine. Nick is also the editor of Overcoming Adversity: An Anthology for Andrew. Visit him at his blog or connect with him on Twitter, GoodreadsFacebook, or Amazon.
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