Mama Diaries

Friday, April 28, 2017

A Lifetime Supply of Astronaut Ice Cream

"Mama," my twelve-year-old son said. "Can I enter a sweepstake to win a lifetime supply of astronaut ice cream?"

I shook my head. "Dude, when you enter a sweepstake, you get put on a mailing list. And then you have a lifetime supply of spam."

"But it's worth it," he argued.

"Why?"

"Because if I win, and I'm ever homeless, I'll always have something to eat!"





Before I go, I'd like to thank everyone for all the well-wishes for my recital. It went very well, and the audience was so complimentary and appreciative. It's always nice to play for people like that! Here's a picture from it:

 

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Cookie Concoction

I came home the other day and found a cookie pan covered with sticky, chocolate chip goop lying in the sink. It looked pretty disgusting.

I went into my husband's office and asked him, "What happened in the kitchen?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Ask your son."

I went back into the kitchen and discovered a box of chocolate chip cookie mix and a bowl loaded with more goop and chunks of butter.

The boy walked in. "Dude, what's going on here?"

"I'm waiting for the butter to melt."

"Unless it gets to be one hundred degrees in here, this butter is not going to melt. Besides, if you're trying to make cookies, this stuff is way too runny!"

"I'm not trying to make cookies," he said.

"Then what are you trying to do?"

He pointed to the back of the box. "I'm trying to make this." It was a brownie/chocolate chip dessert.

I read the directions. "Dude, you need the brownie mix to go with this."

"Oh." Apparently the boy didn't feel inclined to read all of the directions.

"So, now what are you going to do?"

He shrugged and walked away.

I had a choice. I could either toss the entire mess, or attempt to do something with it. Since I'm not one to waste things, I did the latter. I grabbed a loaf pan, stirred the concoction so the butter pieces were a little more broken up, and then poured it in the pan. I popped it into the oven, and guessed at how long the thing should bake. I guessed good. When it was finished, it looked like a loaf of chocolate chip bread. My kids must've smelled it, because not long afterward, they came downstairs to have a piece.

"This is awesome!" Bubba said. "I made the best dessert ever!"  

With a little help from Mom!


Before I go, I wanted to let you know that this Sunday, April 23rd, I will be giving a viola recital. If you are in the area, you are welcome to come. Here's the info:

  

Monday, April 10, 2017

Bad Dog

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  I have two pictures, which equals two thousand words.

This is where I was last week:



And this is what I came home to:


Wednesday, March 29, 2017

A Brick of Fruit Flies

"Mom," my son said. "Don't pack fruit in my lunch anymore."

This was a puzzling request. "Why?" I asked.

"The school has a fruit fly infestation. They're getting into my locker, trying to get the fruit in my lunch."

"Seriously, dude? Your fruit is sealed in a Ziploc bag, which is zipped up in your lunch box. I hardly think this is creating a problem."

"You have no idea. Every time I open my locker, a wall of fruit flies comes out."

I gave him the Mama look. Like I wan't buying it. "A wall of fruit flies?"

He thought about that and revised his statement. "It's more like a brick. They come out in a perfect rectangular formation."

Right. "Dude, what in the world is in your locker? A rotten fruit collection?"

He denied having such a thing. "Do you want to come to school and check?"

Not really. But I might have to go just to see this brick of fruit flies!
  

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Dank Meme Soup

"What?" you're asking. I didn't name it. Bubba did.

Chef Bubba was back in the kitchen working his magic. This little creation involved beef broth and a sweet potato. The boy cooked some spaghetti noodles and dumped them in a pot of beef broth. Then he cut up some celery and carrots and added them to the mix. He seasoned it with pepper, and then added the secret ingredient:  a sweet potato.

Amazingly, the boy peeled the thing. But that was where it stopped. After peeling, Bubba tossed the uncut potato into the pot. He let it simmer for a while and then announced that his soup was ready.

I went over to investigate, and saw this sweet potato rising up like an island in the middle of broth.

"Dude," I said. "What's up with the sweet potato? Aren't you going to cut it?"

He shook his head. "No, Mom. This is Dank Meme soup. You never cut the sweet potato when you make Dank Meme soup!"

So, ladies and gentlemen, remember that. Never cut the sweet potato when you make Dank Meme soup!      

Thursday, March 9, 2017

The Fun Monkey

My son has an interesting way of looking at things. Yesterday, he came home from school with this information:

"Mom, most rational people do what they have to do without any problem."

Okay. I wondered where he was going with this.

He continued. "But some people have this thing called a Fun Monkey inside of their head."

"A Fun Monkey?"

"Yes. It opposes all rational thinking and makes the person get sidetracked with fun things that are more interesting than what they're supposed to be doing."

I nodded. "I see. Have you experienced this Fun Monkey in your head?"

"Yes. It's been giving me some problems."

"What kind of problems?"

"Well, there's this other thing called the Karma Monster. Whenever you do what the Fun Monkey wants you to do, the Karma Monster gets you for not doing what you're supposed to be doing."

"So you're saying you got in trouble?"

"Maybe."

I see. So, I guess we all have to learn from Bubba and not listen to the Fun Monkey. Otherwise the Karma Monster is going to get us!      

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Rude Awakening

Yesterday when my daughter came home from school, I noticed she had pictures drawn all over her arm. Some were in pen, and others were in marker.

"Why did you draw on your arm?" I asked.

"I didn't."

I looked at her funny. "What do you mean?"

"My friend did it. I passed out during biology class. She did it while I was sleeping."

Nice friend.

(Apparently doing homework until 3:00 AM is taking its toll on my daughter.)

So, have any of you ever fallen asleep, and awakened to discover something strange had been done to you?