Mama Diaries

Monday, February 29, 2016

Breakfast of Champions

I believe I may have previously posted about what I eat in the morning for breakfast. It's healthy stuff - chia seeds, granola, dried fruit, etc. My husband calls it, "Rocks and Pebbles."  He has also called it, "Unidentifiable Debris." As mentioned in the previous post, he likes to take a Sharpie marker and label the cereal boxes and bags with these creative titles.

Well, the other day, he brought home a box filled with round things. He took one of the round things out and ate it for breakfast.

My son took one, too.

I looked at the boys. "Dudes, what are you eating?"

"They're called, donuts, Mama. Breakfast of champions," my son said.

I narrowed my eyes and grabbed a Sharpie marker. I drew a skull with crossbones on the box. Then I wrote, "Body Poison. Eat at your own risk."

They just looked at me, laughed, and grabbed another donut. Because obviously, the Mama doesn't know a darn thing about breakfasts of champions.   I shook my head. I'll take my "Strange Edible Mixture of Bird Seed" over donuts any day!  

Friday, February 26, 2016

Sweet Thing

My teenage daughter likes to experiment with face masks, hair masks, and other assorted girly things. The other day she came into the kitchen with brown stuff plastered all over her face.

"What's that?" I asked.

"A cupcake face mask."

"Does it do anything?"  I couldn't believe that something that smelled that chocolatey served any purpose when applied to one's face.

"Yes. It tightens my pores."

She opened one of the kitchen cupboards and rummaged through it.

"Now, what are you looking for?" I asked.

"Stuff to make a coconut hair mask."

I raised my eyebrows.

Then she pulled out cocoa powder.

"Why do you need that?"

"Cocoa powder is like dry shampoo. It works really great."

She proceeded to sprinkle some in her hair.

I shook my head.

Now my daughter smells like a walking box of chocolates. Let's hope nothing tries to eat her!

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Kootchie Kootchie Koo

The other day, I went to the store to buy a new purse. The sales lady was especially perky. Like she had had way too much coffee. When I went to check out, I found her dancing to the music that was playing over the speakers. Okay, I thought. At least she's pleasant!

Apparently the perkiness was catchy.  It infected an old woman who had to be at least ninety years old. I had followed this lady into the store, and she could barely walk. But when she was at the counter, checking out, she couldn't resist busting a move to the music.

"Kootchie, kootchie, koo," she said, as she wiggled her hips.

I looked at her and smiled.

She looked at me. "Do you want to dance?"

I raised my eyebrows. I knew I wasn't going to get out of this one. So I joined the fun. There we were - a young lady, a middle aged lady, and an old lady - all kootchie, kootchie, kooing to the music. It was a sight to see!  

Monday, February 22, 2016

Hello from the Other Side

Yesterday, my phone rang.

I picked it up. Someone on the other end started singing the Adele song, Hello. That someone sounded strangely familiar.

It was my daughter.

"Uh, girlfriend," I said. "Aren't you upstairs in your room?"

"Yes," she said.

"And you're calling me on your cell phone instead of walking downstairs to talk to me?"

"Yes. I'm on the other side. And I'd like to know what you're making for lunch."

I shook my head. "Well, I guess you're going to have to walk the million miles that are between us to find out!"


For those who haven't heard enough of Hello, here it is:

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Bubba's Laundry Service

"Mama," my eleven-year-old son said. "Can you stop and get pizza after work?"

I looked at the kid. "Dude, it's going to be late. I don't get done until 9:00, and the last thing I'm going to want to do, is wait around for a pizza."

"But I'll pay for it," he offered.

"No, Bubba. Maybe some other time."

He looked despondent. "I promised my friends at school that I'd bring in a pizza for lunch. They did some nice things for me, so I wanted to do something nice for them."

"Can you make it another day, Bubba?" I pointed to the laundry that was piled up in my room, waiting to get folded. "I need to take care of this when I get home."

"I'll fold it for you if you get pizza," he said.

It was obvious that he really wanted that pizza. "Fine," I said. "You can fold the laundry. That will help."

I went to work, and stopped to get pizza afterward. When I rolled into the house, my son was thrilled that I had gotten the pizza.

"Did you do the laundry?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "You can go see."

I went up to my room. There was no longer a big pile of clothes that needed to be folded. There were four piles of clothes that needed to be folded. I shook my head.

"Dude," I called. "I thought you did the laundry."

"I did," he said. "I sorted them into piles of your clothes, dad's clothes, my clothes, and my sister's clothes. All you need to do is put them in the drawers."

Okay. Apparently I have to teach my boy a thing or two about folding laundry.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Popcorn Thief

Yesterday, I made popcorn for everyone. I munched on mine in the kitchen while I was busy putting away dishes. The kids took theirs in the living room where they watched a movie. A short time later, my son came into the kitchen to talk to me. I turned around and caught him with his hand in my popcorn bowl.

"Hey," I said. "That's mine! Go eat your own popcorn."

He lowered his eyes. "Sorry, Mama. I thought it was mine."

"How much did you eat?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Four pieces." He walked away and returned with his popcorn bowl. He took four pieces out of his bowl and put them in mine.

I smiled. "Thanks, buddy. You didn't have to give me any of yours."

"Yeah, I know," he said. "But I know better than to mess with the Mama's popcorn. I didn't want you to be mad at me."

That's right. Nobody messes with my popcorn!  

Saturday, February 13, 2016

A Bone Graveyard

First, I'd like to say I'm sorry for not being around the blogosphere much. I've been very busy with music performances and rehearsals, and haven't had time to post or visit everyone. It's not a bad problem to have, but I do miss reading everyone's posts on a regular basis.

Here's today's story:

Our German Shepherd, Schultz, has a special talent for decorating. When he was a puppy, he used to take the vent register covers off and put his dog food bowls in them. It was quite artistic. I thought he had lost his talent, because he hadn't done anything like that in a while.

I was wrong.

The other day, I looked out my window and saw a very strange sight. White things were sticking up all over my back yard.

Curious, I went to investigate. Do you know what they were? Dog bones! Schultz had arranged all his bones so that they stuck up vertically in the grass. It looked like a bone cemetery.

I have no idea how long it took him to do that, but he seemed pretty pleased with his work. He stood there, wagging his tail.

Apparently, he has a lot of time on his paws. Maybe I should put him to work cleaning my house!

Before I go, I'd like to wish a Happy Valentine's Day to all who celebrate it! 

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

A Funny Kind of Flour

My son was helping me make muffins last night.

"Okay," I said. "We need two cups of flour. Can you get some and pour it into the bowl?"

"I'm on it," he said.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him scooping some white stuff out of a bag that was on the counter. The bag looked a little bigger than a typical four bag. I figured I'd better check this out. I walked over and read writing on the bag:  Easy Sand 20 Joint Compound.  It was the stuff my husband had been using to spackle the ceiling.

"Uh, dude. This isn't flour," I said.

He looked puzzled. "It's not?"

"No. If you use that, the muffins will be rocks."

All I can say, is that I'm glad I caught it before the rest of the ingredients went in!

Monday, February 8, 2016

Life Expectancy for the Mama

Last night, I watched the Superbowl with my kids. At the end, my kids commented on how big the Superbowl rings for the winners were. I told them it was probably because it was the 50th Superbowl. My son wondered what they'd look like for the 100th Superbowl. I told him I didn't know, but that he'd probably be around to see it.

"What about you? He asked. You'll be around, too."

"I don't know," I said. "I'd be almost a hundred years old."
"You'll be around," he said. "You look Asian. And Asian people live a long time."

"Asian?" I asked. "I hardly think I look Asian."

"Yeah. You're thin and you have dark hair."

Then my daughter commented. "And you're smart and musical. Just like Asians. So you're definitely Asian."

Okay. So I guess I'll be around for Superbowl 100. I hope Lady Gaga sings the National Anthem for it, because she did great

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Groundhog Blues and Question of the Month

Yesterday was Groundhog Day - the day the furry varmint comes out of his hole in the ground and determines if spring is coming soon, just by looking for his shadow. I've never really understood what the big deal is about this, but it seems to be a well-loved tradition.

When my son came home from school yesterday, he told me a sad thing happened.

"What was it?" I asked.

"They told us in school that the groundhog saw his shadow and that spring would be here soon."

I wrinkled my brows. "What's so sad about that?"

"It's a myth. It's sad that they keep spreading this silly story. When people find out it's not true, they're going to be sad. And then all the people who paid a lot of money to see the groundhog are going to be mad. It's a rip-off!"

Okay. So what do you think? Is Bubba right? Are people going to be upset when they learn the ground hog really can't predict when Spring is coming?  Or should we just uphold the Groundhog Day tradition?

Before I go, it's time for the question of the month, hosted by Michael D'Agostino.  This month's question, in time for Valentine's Day, is about love lost and found. I'm supposed to share a story about love I may have lost, or love I found.

Well, that's all a personal nature, and I really don't feel like sharing that. So, I'm going to tell you a story about someone else's love lost and found. I read this in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book, and thought it was the sweetest thing ever. And since I have a romantic heart, I'm going to share it for Valentines Day:

Winona was 19 when she met Edward. He was visiting his sister who was engaged to Winona's brother. They had a great chemistry, but unfortunately did not live near each other. It was agreed that they would write letters to keep in touch. (These were the days before the Internet.)

The correspondence lasted for many months. Then the letters from Edward stopped coming. Winona assumed Edward had lost interest.

Many years later, she married another man and had a family. She learned through her sister-in-law that Edward married a couple years after her.

Eventually, one of Edwards daughters had a wedding. Winona was also invited to the wedding. After 30 years, Edward and Winona were meeting again. The chemistry was still there, but the conversation was polite.

Ten years later, Edward's wife died. Winona sent him a sympathy card. Two years after that, Winona's husband died. Edward wrote to her. Once again, they were corresponding.

Edward wrote often. After six months of writing, he came to visit for two weeks. And then do you know what happened? He asked her to marry him!

She said, "yes."  They got married and lived happily ever after.

In case you're wondering what happened with the original letter-writing, Edward's mother had destroyed Winona's letters because she didn't want to lose her youngest son. Forty-three years later, Winona found him.

Isn't that sweet?   

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Wake Up Call

My son, Bubba, got a trumpet for Christmas. He loves that thing. He loves it so much, that playing it is the first thing he wants to do in the morning. Needless to say, none of us want to hear it that early. So what does he do? He takes it outside, stands on our back deck, and blows his little heart out.

"Dude," I said when I heard him this morning. "The neighbors really don't want to hear you blowing that thing at 7:00 AM!"  

"But it's great music," he said.

"Great music, or not, it's loud, and people might still be sleeping."

He shook his head. "They're not sleeping. Everyone is up for school. And if they're not up, they should be up. I'm just helping everyone get out of bed so they get to school and work on time."

How thoughtful!