Mama Diaries

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Close Encounter with a Buzzard

The other day, I was walking my hundred pound German Shepherd, Schultz. Up ahead, I could see a rather large bird, hopping around on the tree lawn in front of a house. Schultz saw it, too, and the hair on his back stood up. He wanted to chase that thing.

I managed to keep the beast under control, and we passed the bird on the opposite side of the street without a catastrophe. It was a formidable looking buzzard. In case you don't know what they look like, here's a picture:

The way back was even more interesting. We had crossed the street and were now on the same side as the buzzard. I thought for sure when the bird saw us coming, it would take off. But no. Bird brain stayed right where it was, on the tree lawn.

I glanced down at Schultz. For some odd reason, the sight of the giant bird ahead of us didn't bother him. Okay, I thought. I'm going to walk right past this bird.

Schultz stayed on my left side, walking very nicely. And the buzzard, which was probably not even two feet away from me,  stayed very nicely on right side. I could have reached down and petted that thing as we passed it.  I had never been that close to such a ginormous bird! 

For the life of me, I have no idea why that bird was there, and why Schultz didn't get all spastic as we approached and passed it. Maybe the eclipse had something to do with it! 

Note:  I know you're all probably getting used to me not being around much. Still dealing with issues. But there are some good things going on too. I will have a new picture book coming out soon - Don't Feed the Elephant! And I'm busy revising a manuscript for an interested publisher. So a lot of "spare" time is spent working on those two projects. You still won't see me regularly, but I'll stop by to post and visit whenever I can.    

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Lemonade, Inc.

Running a lemonade stand these days is a complicated business! It used to be that you could just put up a table, mix a pitcher of lemonade, maybe make a sign, and wait for the crowds to show up. Or not.

That's not the way it is anymore. You're supposed to have a lemonade stand permit before you set up anywhere. Why? I have no idea. Probably just a way for cities to profit from the entrepreneurial youngsters in the area.

My boy and his friends made it even more complicated. Each person selling lemonade had to have stock in the company.


Yes, ladies and gentlemen. This is how it went down:

"Mama," my boy said. "I own stock in the lemonade stand."

"What?" This sounded absolutely ridiculous. "How much did you pay into this lemonade company?"


Okay. That wasn't bad.

He explained further. "We had to buy stock, so that we could participate in the sales. If you don't contribute, you don't get any of the profits."

It kind of made sense. They used their "stock money" to purchase lemonade mix and cover any other business expenses they accrued.

It worked out pretty well for my boy. The young entrepreneurs had a substantial amount of sales. They set up for three days, and every day, each boy made $10.50. I'd say that was a good payback! 

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Glass House

The other day, as I was cleaning the counter in my kitchen, I noticed an over-turned glass bowl sitting on it. I wondered why in the world it was flipped upside-down. It didn't take me long to figure it out. Under the bowl, was the ugliest looking bug you've ever seen.

Here's what it looked like: 

It was walking around. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it was very much alive.

I knew my boy had something to do with it.

"Bubba," I called. "Why is there an insect under the bowl on the counter?"

He meandered in. "It looked scary, so I figured I should trap it so nobody would get hurt."

Good thinking.

"So, Bubba. Now that you have it trapped on our counter, what are you going to do with it?"

He shrugged. Apparently, this was Mama's department. I figured we should investigate and see exactly what kind of threat this thing posed.

Our investigation determined that this was a robber fly. A very fierce insect that kills wasps and bees. Definitely not a force to be reckoned with. I decided that a can of Raid insect killer would be the best option. Bubba lifted the glass house, and I sprayed the robber fly. A few minutes later, it was dead.

"Guess it's not safe to live in a glass house," said Bubba.

"Yep, not safe at all," I said.

Prologue:  It is also not safe to scoop up a robber fly in a napkin. Even dead ones. That bastard somehow managed to sting me as its pointy stingy thing pierced the napkin. My pinky finger was numb from it. Guess the robber fly got it's revenge!

Before I go, since there were some requests to hear more of my playing from the recital, I've posted another video. (Again, you can only hear me. Sorry.) If you'd like to listen, here it is: